I’ll come back


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Photo credit – Jennifer Pendergast

Standing at the foot of the spiral staircase, my spiral staircase

And i looked up at the light hanging there

There where I had ended the life I hadn’t wanted

Wanting to put an end to all sorrow

And started this journey of traveling far and wide

With all the lightness of just my spirit

Staring up at the stairs I had walked on that day

Almost looking at me climbing each in turn

Reliving what I had done on that day

Hanging myself in my own home.

This post, i guess, would require some explaining. Here the writer is the ghost who had ended her life in her home, has come back as a spirit and is right now standing at the point directly beneath the place where she had hung herself.

© 2013 Ankita Kala

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51 thoughts on “I’ll come back

  1. here’s how you can “add more” with the same about of words. in this line: “And i looked up at the light hanging there”

    what is “looked”? it only says which direction our eyes were going, but there’s no meaning or emotion or action. how did the person feel while looking? is there something specific they are looking at or for? play with some other words while keeping in my the emotion you want.

    “focused” – shows intent
    “examined” – shows studying with purpose
    “gazed” is kind of casual
    “stared” might show anger

    play around with some synonyms and you might find something you like better.

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    1. Hmmm.. You’ve made a good point there! There are many variations within looking as well. I’ll try to add more to my work using this.
      Thanks again for helping me improve! 🙂

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  2. I think you should give yourself more credit because I didn’t feel the story needed any type of explanation at all. Considering how difficult it sometimes is to get a point across in only 100 words, I thought you did a good job with that. My feedback is that maybe instead of:
    “And started this journey of traveling far and wide
    With all the lightness of just my spirit”
    some explanation of why the person hung themselves would have been good.

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    1. Hmmm.. Yes.. That would give a perfect completeness to the story – the what and the why.. That’s such a nice suggestion! Thanks a ton Michael! I’m so thankful for your feedback 🙂

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  3. I was not sure unit the last sentence, but then it all made sense. I understand your feeling of explaining, but I agree with Jennifer that it is written perfectly to convey the situation.

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  4. I got the story without the explanation. Well done for that. It’s intriguing and raises questions. (The idea of the spirit revisiting the place of its death is a familiar motif. It raises the question: ‘why’). I like your poetic style. With poetry, every word is examined. The best verb, the best noun. Interesting read. Thank you. Ann

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    1. Hey Ann,

      Thanks for your lovely comment.. I really think I should have thought of that.. ‘Why she killed herself’
      I’m really happy you found it interesting. 🙂 🙂 🙂

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  5. Oh wow! Someone’s famous 😀 Finally got around to reading… And yes I read all the comments too 🙂 You know what, just to contradict the others here… I’m going to admit I needed the explanation… Not because it wasn’t clear – but because my head’s not working…. Love the look of the blog 🙂 Great going 🙂 Glad to know you feel at home here 🙂 And pleeeeease, cheer up… *hugs*

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    1. Heeheee 😀
      Now I’m feeling better! 😀
      I guess we both need a spank on our heads to put things in perspective. 😛
      I was so nervous about your reaction to the blog. So relieved that you like it 😀
      I’m trying my best to cheer up.. Soon.. Soon *hugs* 😀

      Like

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