I’ll come back

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Photo credit – Jennifer Pendergast

Standing at the foot of the spiral staircase, my spiral staircase

And i looked up at the light hanging there

There where I had ended the life I hadn’t wanted

Wanting to put an end to all sorrow

And started this journey of traveling far and wide

With all the lightness of just my spirit

Staring up at the stairs I had walked on that day

Almost looking at me climbing each in turn

Reliving what I had done on that day

Hanging myself in my own home.

This post, i guess, would require some explaining. Here the writer is the ghost who had ended her life in her home, has come back as a spirit and is right now standing at the point directly beneath the place where she had hung herself.

© 2013 Ankita Kala

51 Comments Add yours

  1. Dear Annkita,
    I understand hanging is a painful way to go. Grisly.
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Oh yes! Must be really awful..

      Like

  2. rich says:

    here’s how you can “add more” with the same about of words. in this line: “And i looked up at the light hanging there”

    what is “looked”? it only says which direction our eyes were going, but there’s no meaning or emotion or action. how did the person feel while looking? is there something specific they are looking at or for? play with some other words while keeping in my the emotion you want.

    “focused” – shows intent
    “examined” – shows studying with purpose
    “gazed” is kind of casual
    “stared” might show anger

    play around with some synonyms and you might find something you like better.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Hmmm.. You’ve made a good point there! There are many variations within looking as well. I’ll try to add more to my work using this.
      Thanks again for helping me improve! 🙂

      Like

      1. rich says:

        glad to help. i see it as my contribution to others.

        Like

      2. Ankita says:

        So do I! 🙂
        That’s how we all learn. By helping each other. 🙂

        Like

  3. yarnspinnerr says:

    The prompt reminds me of a really old hindi movie starring Shammi Kapur – Teesri Manzil.
    It was a murder mystery.

    Enjoyed reading your take 🙂

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Aha! I’ve heard about it but haven’t seen it! Yeah! Apparently it’s very good!
      Thanks for your appreciation! 🙂

      Like

  4. Sandra says:

    I really liked this and there is no need for the explanation at all, it is clear enough on its own.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thanks a lot! 🙂

      Like

  5. esskewpe says:

    I don’t think you really needed to explain it. You did a good job of building it into the story…a ghost revisiting it’s place of death. I liked it. Good flow, has sort of a melancholy ring to it.

    Here’s mine:
    http://smallquietplace.wordpress.com/2013/03/06/the-sound-of-goodbye/

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Hey.. Thank you so much for your appreciation! I really like it 🙂
      I’ll just read yours 🙂

      Like

  6. Sunshine says:

    oh, my. what a sad story. wonder what this ghost writer will do next…

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      To me it appears as if she’s on a spree to visit each of the places she saw as a living being.

      Like

  7. The explanation was unnecessary–the story made it clear. 🙂

    janet

    Like

  8. well done as the spirit looks back upon itself in a surreal context

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thank you so much 🙂

      Like

  9. jwdwrites says:

    Damn! I was going to do that. I am not reading any more before I write my own. (Kidding) Well done Ankita.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Hahaha! Gotcha! Thanks a lot! 🙂
      Ultimately you did read the whole thing! 😉

      Like

  10. I thought the whole scenario was clear from the story, so good job. 🙂 I was thinking of a suicide theme for mine too, but decided to change it.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thanks David.. I would love to read your take on a suicide theme too 🙂

      Like

  11. Ankita – I like the others feel there was no need for an explanation. What you wrote was clear..it stood on it’s own without a need to explain, well done 🙂

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thank you so much for your appreciation! I really love the way you all boosted my confidence by saying that the explanation’s not required 😀

      Like

  12. Ghost writer, hehehe

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      hehehe 😉

      Like

  13. Excellent tale, well told.
    And the explanation is unnecessary, let them think!

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thanks a lot! 🙂 I’m really humbled

      Like

  14. Very painful. A heart breaking story.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thanks for your words 🙂

      Like

  15. Michael Fishman says:

    I think you should give yourself more credit because I didn’t feel the story needed any type of explanation at all. Considering how difficult it sometimes is to get a point across in only 100 words, I thought you did a good job with that. My feedback is that maybe instead of:
    “And started this journey of traveling far and wide
    With all the lightness of just my spirit”
    some explanation of why the person hung themselves would have been good.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Hmmm.. Yes.. That would give a perfect completeness to the story – the what and the why.. That’s such a nice suggestion! Thanks a ton Michael! I’m so thankful for your feedback 🙂

      Like

  16. t says:

    I agree with Janet, the explanation wasn’t required as you walked us through it perfectly.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thanks a lot t! 🙂

      Like

  17. elmowrites says:

    Personally, I don’t think you needed the explanation at the end – have confidence in your writing – you told us everything we needed in the piece itself.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thanks a ton! I will try to bring more confidence now onwards! 🙂

      Like

  18. Joe Owens says:

    I was not sure unit the last sentence, but then it all made sense. I understand your feeling of explaining, but I agree with Jennifer that it is written perfectly to convey the situation.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Hey Joe,
      Thank you so much! I deliberated about that last sentence for a while but I guess it all fit in the end.. Thanks again 🙂 🙂 🙂

      Like

  19. Never read the explaination. I think the text stands well on itself. Well done.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thank you! I feel my explanation should seriously vanish now! Everybody says so! 😉

      Like

  20. Dear Ankita,

    You didn’t need that explanation.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Hey Doug,

      Thanks a lot for reading and appreciating. 🙂

      Like

  21. Carrie says:

    I immediately thought it was a spirit looking back or up at where she fell from/hung from.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Is it Carrie?! I thought I was being too vague but I guess the picture’s aura is like that..

      Like

  22. annisik51 says:

    I got the story without the explanation. Well done for that. It’s intriguing and raises questions. (The idea of the spirit revisiting the place of its death is a familiar motif. It raises the question: ‘why’). I like your poetic style. With poetry, every word is examined. The best verb, the best noun. Interesting read. Thank you. Ann

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Hey Ann,

      Thanks for your lovely comment.. I really think I should have thought of that.. ‘Why she killed herself’
      I’m really happy you found it interesting. 🙂 🙂 🙂

      Like

  23. Loved your writing, seriously! I see you growing! Keep writing!

    Check mine — http://yourstoryclub.com/short-stories-love/funny-love-story-met-her-in-bank/

    Like

  24. kasturika says:

    Oh wow! Someone’s famous 😀 Finally got around to reading… And yes I read all the comments too 🙂 You know what, just to contradict the others here… I’m going to admit I needed the explanation… Not because it wasn’t clear – but because my head’s not working…. Love the look of the blog 🙂 Great going 🙂 Glad to know you feel at home here 🙂 And pleeeeease, cheer up… *hugs*

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Heeheee 😀
      Now I’m feeling better! 😀
      I guess we both need a spank on our heads to put things in perspective. 😛
      I was so nervous about your reaction to the blog. So relieved that you like it 😀
      I’m trying my best to cheer up.. Soon.. Soon *hugs* 😀

      Like

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