The Last Goodbye


kent-bonham

Photo credit: Kent Bonham

For this week’s Friday Fictioneers Challenge, Rochelle gave us this prompt.

And here I present my interpretation…

The car stopped outside the church

She stood admiring the colorful walls

Each color reminding her of something he had worn on some day when they had met

She noticed the light reflecting from the windows

And in her eyes swam the flashes of lights passing by

As he drove beside her on some day when they had met

She reminisced how that light used to reflect in his eyes

Lighting up his face along with his smile

The same face she was dreading seeing inside

Inside the building

Inside a coffin

She wondered how he would look

Silent

Maybe ashen

Just like her…

Β© 2013 Ankita Kala

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58 thoughts on “The Last Goodbye

    1. Dear Rochelle,
      Thank you for your appreciation! πŸ™‚
      When I saw the prompt I immediately thought of what I would write and then read on to find that you had written exactly the same! So happy that my second attempt is worth it!
      Ankita

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  1. How sad. Memories can be so difficult, especially right after someone dies.

    Just a couple of small things…you have everything else in the past tense except for “She reminisces”. If you had “reminisced”, it would all be the same. I was wondering if “on the day” might make more sense than “on some day” when they met. What do you think?

    janet

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    1. Hey Janet,

      Yes, you’re right about “reminisced”, i’m editing it right now! As for “on some day”, I wanted to emphasize that they had met on many days and she had noticed things in each meeting, hence the phrase “on some day”. She remembers something about each particular meeting randomly.
      And yes, memories do have a way of hurting beyond endurance when you lose somebody 😦

      Ankita

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  2. A sad story.
    I initially thought it was her wedding day, but as I read on I realized something wasn’t right. The end confirmed it, much to my dismay.
    Very nicely written!

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  3. You have a way with theses prompts… I’d not be able to come up with anything for fiction, if I were asked to… Made me teary-eyed with this one… Beautiful, but sad… Sweetie take care of yourself…

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  4. This is beautiful and heart rending. You did a great job of conveying her emotions. Sadness can be tricky because it’s easy to overdo or to strike a wrong note but you really hit it right.

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  5. I admit, I have a love for the darker interpretations of this prompt. This building seemed to inspire such deep thoughts from a lot of the writers, and I really enjoyed your take on it. πŸ™‚

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  6. How sad and believable! I especially like the lines
    “The same face she was dreading seeing inside
    Inside the building
    Inside a coffin” – it’s as if she has to pause and gather strength gradually before she can approach the reality of what she’s going to see.

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    1. Oh yes.. She had to. She had to sort it all out in her mind before she could actually face it.
      It’s such a beautiful feeling that we arrived at the same understanding without actually having to write it in exact words in the poem! πŸ™‚
      Thank you! πŸ™‚

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    1. Your comment made me search about Antoni Gaudi and I must say the designs left me breathless! Thank you for sharing the knowledge! πŸ™‚ πŸ˜€

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  7. Great stuff!

    Your writing does hold the power to surprise. Clearly the lady had been close to the deceased. In mourning , would such a person have the mindset to admire the colourful walls?

    Shakti

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    1. Hey Shakti,
      Thanks for your appreciation.
      In hindsight, I see what you mean by the admiring part. But I think you stay in denial for sometime when you’re in deep shock. You want things to be like they used to be. And she’s remembering the color of his attire when she looks at the walls, that’s why she’s admiring them. She’s trying to make things normal in her brain.
      That’s my take. Would love to hear yours.
      Ankita

      Like

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