The Last Goodbye

kent-bonham

Photo credit: Kent Bonham

For this week’s Friday Fictioneers Challenge, Rochelle gave us this prompt.

And here I present my interpretation…

The car stopped outside the church

She stood admiring the colorful walls

Each color reminding her of something he had worn on some day when they had met

She noticed the light reflecting from the windows

And in her eyes swam the flashes of lights passing by

As he drove beside her on some day when they had met

She reminisced how that light used to reflect in his eyes

Lighting up his face along with his smile

The same face she was dreading seeing inside

Inside the building

Inside a coffin

She wondered how he would look

Silent

Maybe ashen

Just like her…

Β© 2013 Ankita Kala

58 Comments Add yours

  1. Now that is eerie!

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Glad I could create the right effect for you! πŸ™‚

      Like

  2. Dear Ankita,
    Nice use of color to convey tone and emotion.
    shalom,
    Rochelle

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Dear Rochelle,
      Thank you for your appreciation! πŸ™‚
      When I saw the prompt I immediately thought of what I would write and then read on to find that you had written exactly the same! So happy that my second attempt is worth it!
      Ankita

      Like

  3. Wow, great story. Those last few lines really capture the mood.

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    1. Ankita says:

      Thanks a lot David πŸ™‚

      Like

  4. How sad. Memories can be so difficult, especially right after someone dies.

    Just a couple of small things…you have everything else in the past tense except for “She reminisces”. If you had “reminisced”, it would all be the same. I was wondering if “on the day” might make more sense than “on some day” when they met. What do you think?

    janet

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Hey Janet,

      Yes, you’re right about “reminisced”, i’m editing it right now! As for “on some day”, I wanted to emphasize that they had met on many days and she had noticed things in each meeting, hence the phrase “on some day”. She remembers something about each particular meeting randomly.
      And yes, memories do have a way of hurting beyond endurance when you lose somebody 😦

      Ankita

      Like

  5. Sandra says:

    Quite poetic, flowed beautifully. Nice one Ankita.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thanks a ton Sandra πŸ™‚

      Like

  6. Parul says:

    A sad story.
    I initially thought it was her wedding day, but as I read on I realized something wasn’t right. The end confirmed it, much to my dismay.
    Very nicely written!

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Hey Parul,

      Thanks a lot! Glad I could create the right effect for you. I wish it was her wedding day!

      Like

  7. kasturika says:

    You have a way with theses prompts… I’d not be able to come up with anything for fiction, if I were asked to… Made me teary-eyed with this one… Beautiful, but sad… Sweetie take care of yourself…

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      πŸ™‚ I’m so happy you think so! πŸ™‚
      I will πŸ™‚

      Like

  8. Joe Owens says:

    Sounds to me like soul mates who mirror each other’s emotions. A sweet, sad story!

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thanks a lot Joe! πŸ™‚

      Like

  9. Penny L Howe says:

    Nicely done. Yours is a moving piece with well written elements. You lead the reader to where you want them to be emotionally!

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thanks for your appreciation Penny! Glad I could manage to do so πŸ™‚

      Like

  10. wmqcolby says:

    Sad and well-written. Thanks!

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thank you πŸ™‚

      Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thanks dear elephant! πŸ™‚

      Like

  11. Honie Briggs says:

    I like the repetition of the phrase “on some day when they had met”. Nicely done.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thank you so much! πŸ™‚

      Like

  12. Wow, well done! For some reason I also had a feeling of death from this prompt and did my story accordingly. Wonder what it is?

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thanks! πŸ™‚ I guess it’s the grim shadows that build that ambience. What do you think?

      Like

  13. billgncs says:

    very emotive and sad.

    Like

  14. Oh, that was very unexpected… So sad, and so well done…

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thanks a lot! πŸ™‚

      Like

  15. Linda Vernon says:

    Oh this is a very unexpected and powerful. I loved your interpretation.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thanks for your appreciation Linda! πŸ™‚

      Like

  16. Beautifully done. Gave me a chill. πŸ™‚

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thanks a lot Christopher! πŸ™‚

      Like

  17. A very strong piece a lot of good things to say about this poem. and the end left me with a sense of dread.

    BjΓΆrn

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thank you so much! I hope to write more such strong pieces πŸ™‚

      Like

  18. claudia says:

    So sad to me…it is dark day here so the whole tale felt darker yet!

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Ohh.. 😦
      I hope it’ll be bright soon πŸ™‚

      Like

  19. camgal says:

    That was a deep interpretation πŸ™‚ nice.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thank you! πŸ™‚

      Like

  20. This was an interesting interpretation of death.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Thank you so much! πŸ™‚

      Like

  21. EagleAye says:

    Oh. So very sad and yet so beautiful. This is very good.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Hey. Thank you so much! πŸ™‚

      Like

  22. troy P. says:

    Those last lines sank me. They described the feeling of loss (on so many levels) to a tee. Well done.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      I agree. It was like finally succumbing to reality. Thank you so much πŸ™‚

      Like

  23. Carrie says:

    sad situation, to have such lovely memories of a place and then have them forever altered by the new situation

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      True. It leaves you with scars that can never heal and the place stands testimony to that 😦

      Like

  24. Mystikel says:

    This is beautiful and heart rending. You did a great job of conveying her emotions. Sadness can be tricky because it’s easy to overdo or to strike a wrong note but you really hit it right.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Hey. Thank you so much. You really touched me with your comment. I’m so glad I could do justice to the mood πŸ™‚

      Like

  25. Helly says:

    I admit, I have a love for the darker interpretations of this prompt. This building seemed to inspire such deep thoughts from a lot of the writers, and I really enjoyed your take on it. πŸ™‚

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Hey Helly, Thank you so much! πŸ™‚ Hahah.. I also tend to gravitate towards the darker stuff. πŸ˜‰ πŸ™‚

      Like

  26. How sad and believable! I especially like the lines
    “The same face she was dreading seeing inside
    Inside the building
    Inside a coffin” – it’s as if she has to pause and gather strength gradually before she can approach the reality of what she’s going to see.

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Oh yes.. She had to. She had to sort it all out in her mind before she could actually face it.
      It’s such a beautiful feeling that we arrived at the same understanding without actually having to write it in exact words in the poem! πŸ™‚
      Thank you! πŸ™‚

      Like

  27. Latourte says:

    Lovely photo of Antoni Gaudi. Top !

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Your comment made me search about Antoni Gaudi and I must say the designs left me breathless! Thank you for sharing the knowledge! πŸ™‚ πŸ˜€

      Like

  28. Great stuff!

    Your writing does hold the power to surprise. Clearly the lady had been close to the deceased. In mourning , would such a person have the mindset to admire the colourful walls?

    Shakti

    Like

    1. Ankita says:

      Hey Shakti,
      Thanks for your appreciation.
      In hindsight, I see what you mean by the admiring part. But I think you stay in denial for sometime when you’re in deep shock. You want things to be like they used to be. And she’s remembering the color of his attire when she looks at the walls, that’s why she’s admiring them. She’s trying to make things normal in her brain.
      That’s my take. Would love to hear yours.
      Ankita

      Like

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