Photo credit: Kent Bonham
For this week’s Friday Fictioneers Challenge, Rochelle gave us this prompt.
And here I present my interpretation…
The car stopped outside the church
She stood admiring the colorful walls
Each color reminding her of something he had worn on some day when they had met
She noticed the light reflecting from the windows
And in her eyes swam the flashes of lights passing by
As he drove beside her on some day when they had met
She reminisced how that light used to reflect in his eyes
Lighting up his face along with his smile
The same face she was dreading seeing inside
Inside the building
Inside a coffin
She wondered how he would look
Silent
Maybe ashen
Just like her…
© 2013 Ankita Kala
Quoted Unquoted 
Now that is eerie!
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Glad I could create the right effect for you! 🙂
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Dear Ankita,
Nice use of color to convey tone and emotion.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
Thank you for your appreciation! 🙂
When I saw the prompt I immediately thought of what I would write and then read on to find that you had written exactly the same! So happy that my second attempt is worth it!
Ankita
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Wow, great story. Those last few lines really capture the mood.
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Thanks a lot David 🙂
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How sad. Memories can be so difficult, especially right after someone dies.
Just a couple of small things…you have everything else in the past tense except for “She reminisces”. If you had “reminisced”, it would all be the same. I was wondering if “on the day” might make more sense than “on some day” when they met. What do you think?
janet
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Hey Janet,
Yes, you’re right about “reminisced”, i’m editing it right now! As for “on some day”, I wanted to emphasize that they had met on many days and she had noticed things in each meeting, hence the phrase “on some day”. She remembers something about each particular meeting randomly.
And yes, memories do have a way of hurting beyond endurance when you lose somebody 😦
Ankita
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Quite poetic, flowed beautifully. Nice one Ankita.
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Thanks a ton Sandra 🙂
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A sad story.
I initially thought it was her wedding day, but as I read on I realized something wasn’t right. The end confirmed it, much to my dismay.
Very nicely written!
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Hey Parul,
Thanks a lot! Glad I could create the right effect for you. I wish it was her wedding day!
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You have a way with theses prompts… I’d not be able to come up with anything for fiction, if I were asked to… Made me teary-eyed with this one… Beautiful, but sad… Sweetie take care of yourself…
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🙂 I’m so happy you think so! 🙂
I will 🙂
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Sounds to me like soul mates who mirror each other’s emotions. A sweet, sad story!
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Thanks a lot Joe! 🙂
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Nicely done. Yours is a moving piece with well written elements. You lead the reader to where you want them to be emotionally!
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Thanks for your appreciation Penny! Glad I could manage to do so 🙂
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Sad and well-written. Thanks!
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Thank you 🙂
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Just superb.
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Thanks dear elephant! 🙂
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I like the repetition of the phrase “on some day when they had met”. Nicely done.
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Thank you so much! 🙂
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Wow, well done! For some reason I also had a feeling of death from this prompt and did my story accordingly. Wonder what it is?
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Thanks! 🙂 I guess it’s the grim shadows that build that ambience. What do you think?
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very emotive and sad.
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😦
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Oh, that was very unexpected… So sad, and so well done…
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Thanks a lot! 🙂
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Oh this is a very unexpected and powerful. I loved your interpretation.
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Thanks for your appreciation Linda! 🙂
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Beautifully done. Gave me a chill. 🙂
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Thanks a lot Christopher! 🙂
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A very strong piece a lot of good things to say about this poem. and the end left me with a sense of dread.
Björn
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Thank you so much! I hope to write more such strong pieces 🙂
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So sad to me…it is dark day here so the whole tale felt darker yet!
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Ohh.. 😦
I hope it’ll be bright soon 🙂
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That was a deep interpretation 🙂 nice.
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Thank you! 🙂
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This was an interesting interpretation of death.
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Thank you so much! 🙂
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Oh. So very sad and yet so beautiful. This is very good.
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Hey. Thank you so much! 🙂
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Those last lines sank me. They described the feeling of loss (on so many levels) to a tee. Well done.
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I agree. It was like finally succumbing to reality. Thank you so much 🙂
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sad situation, to have such lovely memories of a place and then have them forever altered by the new situation
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True. It leaves you with scars that can never heal and the place stands testimony to that 😦
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This is beautiful and heart rending. You did a great job of conveying her emotions. Sadness can be tricky because it’s easy to overdo or to strike a wrong note but you really hit it right.
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Hey. Thank you so much. You really touched me with your comment. I’m so glad I could do justice to the mood 🙂
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I admit, I have a love for the darker interpretations of this prompt. This building seemed to inspire such deep thoughts from a lot of the writers, and I really enjoyed your take on it. 🙂
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Hey Helly, Thank you so much! 🙂 Hahah.. I also tend to gravitate towards the darker stuff. 😉 🙂
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How sad and believable! I especially like the lines
“The same face she was dreading seeing inside
Inside the building
Inside a coffin” – it’s as if she has to pause and gather strength gradually before she can approach the reality of what she’s going to see.
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Oh yes.. She had to. She had to sort it all out in her mind before she could actually face it.
It’s such a beautiful feeling that we arrived at the same understanding without actually having to write it in exact words in the poem! 🙂
Thank you! 🙂
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Lovely photo of Antoni Gaudi. Top !
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Your comment made me search about Antoni Gaudi and I must say the designs left me breathless! Thank you for sharing the knowledge! 🙂 😀
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Great stuff!
Your writing does hold the power to surprise. Clearly the lady had been close to the deceased. In mourning , would such a person have the mindset to admire the colourful walls?
Shakti
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Hey Shakti,
Thanks for your appreciation.
In hindsight, I see what you mean by the admiring part. But I think you stay in denial for sometime when you’re in deep shock. You want things to be like they used to be. And she’s remembering the color of his attire when she looks at the walls, that’s why she’s admiring them. She’s trying to make things normal in her brain.
That’s my take. Would love to hear yours.
Ankita
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