Photo credit – Jennifer Pendergast
Standing at the foot of the spiral staircase, my spiral staircase
And i looked up at the light hanging there
There where I had ended the life I hadn’t wanted
Wanting to put an end to all sorrow
And started this journey of traveling far and wide
With all the lightness of just my spirit
Staring up at the stairs I had walked on that day
Almost looking at me climbing each in turn
Reliving what I had done on that day
Hanging myself in my own home.
This post, i guess, would require some explaining. Here the writer is the ghost who had ended her life in her home, has come back as a spirit and is right now standing at the point directly beneath the place where she had hung herself.
© 2013 Ankita Kala
Quoted Unquoted 
Dear Annkita,
I understand hanging is a painful way to go. Grisly.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh yes! Must be really awful..
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here’s how you can “add more” with the same about of words. in this line: “And i looked up at the light hanging there”
what is “looked”? it only says which direction our eyes were going, but there’s no meaning or emotion or action. how did the person feel while looking? is there something specific they are looking at or for? play with some other words while keeping in my the emotion you want.
“focused” – shows intent
“examined” – shows studying with purpose
“gazed” is kind of casual
“stared” might show anger
play around with some synonyms and you might find something you like better.
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Hmmm.. You’ve made a good point there! There are many variations within looking as well. I’ll try to add more to my work using this.
Thanks again for helping me improve! 🙂
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glad to help. i see it as my contribution to others.
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So do I! 🙂
That’s how we all learn. By helping each other. 🙂
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The prompt reminds me of a really old hindi movie starring Shammi Kapur – Teesri Manzil.
It was a murder mystery.
Enjoyed reading your take 🙂
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Aha! I’ve heard about it but haven’t seen it! Yeah! Apparently it’s very good!
Thanks for your appreciation! 🙂
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🙂
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I really liked this and there is no need for the explanation at all, it is clear enough on its own.
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Thanks a lot! 🙂
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I don’t think you really needed to explain it. You did a good job of building it into the story…a ghost revisiting it’s place of death. I liked it. Good flow, has sort of a melancholy ring to it.
Here’s mine:
http://smallquietplace.wordpress.com/2013/03/06/the-sound-of-goodbye/
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Hey.. Thank you so much for your appreciation! I really like it 🙂
I’ll just read yours 🙂
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oh, my. what a sad story. wonder what this ghost writer will do next…
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To me it appears as if she’s on a spree to visit each of the places she saw as a living being.
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🙂
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The explanation was unnecessary–the story made it clear. 🙂
janet
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🙂
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well done as the spirit looks back upon itself in a surreal context
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Thank you so much 🙂
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Damn! I was going to do that. I am not reading any more before I write my own. (Kidding) Well done Ankita.
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Hahaha! Gotcha! Thanks a lot! 🙂
Ultimately you did read the whole thing! 😉
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I thought the whole scenario was clear from the story, so good job. 🙂 I was thinking of a suicide theme for mine too, but decided to change it.
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Thanks David.. I would love to read your take on a suicide theme too 🙂
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Ankita – I like the others feel there was no need for an explanation. What you wrote was clear..it stood on it’s own without a need to explain, well done 🙂
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Thank you so much for your appreciation! I really love the way you all boosted my confidence by saying that the explanation’s not required 😀
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Ghost writer, hehehe
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hehehe 😉
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Excellent tale, well told.
And the explanation is unnecessary, let them think!
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Thanks a lot! 🙂 I’m really humbled
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Very painful. A heart breaking story.
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Thanks for your words 🙂
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I think you should give yourself more credit because I didn’t feel the story needed any type of explanation at all. Considering how difficult it sometimes is to get a point across in only 100 words, I thought you did a good job with that. My feedback is that maybe instead of:
“And started this journey of traveling far and wide
With all the lightness of just my spirit”
some explanation of why the person hung themselves would have been good.
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Hmmm.. Yes.. That would give a perfect completeness to the story – the what and the why.. That’s such a nice suggestion! Thanks a ton Michael! I’m so thankful for your feedback 🙂
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I agree with Janet, the explanation wasn’t required as you walked us through it perfectly.
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Thanks a lot t! 🙂
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Personally, I don’t think you needed the explanation at the end – have confidence in your writing – you told us everything we needed in the piece itself.
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Thanks a ton! I will try to bring more confidence now onwards! 🙂
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I was not sure unit the last sentence, but then it all made sense. I understand your feeling of explaining, but I agree with Jennifer that it is written perfectly to convey the situation.
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Hey Joe,
Thank you so much! I deliberated about that last sentence for a while but I guess it all fit in the end.. Thanks again 🙂 🙂 🙂
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Never read the explaination. I think the text stands well on itself. Well done.
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Thank you! I feel my explanation should seriously vanish now! Everybody says so! 😉
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Dear Ankita,
You didn’t need that explanation.
Aloha,
Doug
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Hey Doug,
Thanks a lot for reading and appreciating. 🙂
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I immediately thought it was a spirit looking back or up at where she fell from/hung from.
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Is it Carrie?! I thought I was being too vague but I guess the picture’s aura is like that..
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I got the story without the explanation. Well done for that. It’s intriguing and raises questions. (The idea of the spirit revisiting the place of its death is a familiar motif. It raises the question: ‘why’). I like your poetic style. With poetry, every word is examined. The best verb, the best noun. Interesting read. Thank you. Ann
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Hey Ann,
Thanks for your lovely comment.. I really think I should have thought of that.. ‘Why she killed herself’
I’m really happy you found it interesting. 🙂 🙂 🙂
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Loved your writing, seriously! I see you growing! Keep writing!
Check mine — http://yourstoryclub.com/short-stories-love/funny-love-story-met-her-in-bank/
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Oh wow! Someone’s famous 😀 Finally got around to reading… And yes I read all the comments too 🙂 You know what, just to contradict the others here… I’m going to admit I needed the explanation… Not because it wasn’t clear – but because my head’s not working…. Love the look of the blog 🙂 Great going 🙂 Glad to know you feel at home here 🙂 And pleeeeease, cheer up… *hugs*
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Heeheee 😀
Now I’m feeling better! 😀
I guess we both need a spank on our heads to put things in perspective. 😛
I was so nervous about your reaction to the blog. So relieved that you like it 😀
I’m trying my best to cheer up.. Soon.. Soon *hugs* 😀
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